


And In The End, It Was No Choice At All

by MidnightsVioletHaze



Series: Choices [1]
Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Adoptive Sibling Relationship, Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Developing Relationship, Drug Abuse, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Mentions of attempted suicide, Protective Thor, Pseudo-Incest, Recreational Drug Use, Underage Drinking, teenagers being teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-28
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-14 02:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1249528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightsVioletHaze/pseuds/MidnightsVioletHaze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or five times Thor chose Loki over a girl and then one time he chose Loki.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sif

**Author's Note:**

> First crack at Thorki and Thor in general, so the characterization might be questionable... I tried my best,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Age Guide: 
> 
> Thor: 13 years old  
> Loki: 9 years old

**One.**

Thor shifted his arm, alternating between clenching and relaxing the hand that was curled around Sif's shoulder. They were seated on the large sofa in his family’s living room, more than halfway through whatever movie Sif had picked out and he still hadn't managed to move past the awkward cuddling stage – something that they had mastered within their first week of dating. Sif had already made the first advance at the start of the film, scooting from her position on the other side of the couch to hesitantly curl up beside him. Thor had immediately made room for her, wrapping an arm around her body, and she had laid her head against his shoulder and, well, here they were.

He was annoyed at himself. It was a rare opportunity for him and Sif to be alone. Odin and Frigga were attending a dinner party and had, surprisingly, allowed Sif to keep Thor company holding down the house and watching over Loki. Loki, of course, had taken one look at Sif and had quickly deduced, as no nine year old should have been able to, Thor’s intentions, making himself scarce.

Sif was Thor’s first girlfriend and first ‘everything’, as far as handholding and quick pecks were concerned. They had both been looking forward to taking the next step in their relationship – more serious kisses, touches that strayed past shoulders and faces – and yet it was so unbearably awkward to do so.

He wondered if it was because Sif was a childhood friend that he was more accustomed to tackling into dirt rather than gently pressing into a sofa. Maybe the romcoms his mother forced him to watch had lied and best friends _didn't actually_ make for the best girlfriends. But that couldn't be it because Thor couldn't think of any other girl he would want as his girlfriend. Sif was great. She liked sports and she was funny and she wasn't afraid to tell Thor he was being stupid. And she was certainly pretty enough; her straight, black hair was a point of fascination for him.

“Thor.”

He started at the call of his name. “What?” he asked, tilting his head down to face his girlfriend.

“The movie ended,” Sif said.

Looking back at the screen, he realized that he’d been staring blankly at rolling credits for at least five minutes now. He had no idea what they had been watching. “Oh,” he said.

“Yes. _Oh_ ,” Sif teased. She giggled: a nervous, high-pitched sound so different from her normal, full laughs. Thor found he didn't quite like it.

Easing out from under his arms, Sif arranged herself on the sofa so she could face him fully. He followed suit.

“So…” he intoned.

Sif rolled her eyes and then, in a quick movement, reached forward and pulled him into a rough kiss. Thor winced when their noses bumped together, but tilted his head approvingly after he realized what was going on.

At first he concentrated on controlling the movements of his lips, still unsure of his kissing technique, but soon he fell into a natural rhythm and his mind was free to explore other possibilities. He tried to entangle his right hand in Sif’s dark hair, but was largely unsuccessful as it was tied into a ponytail as usual. He frowned a little, but decided not to risk her wrath by untying her hair. Instead, he transferred his hand to her waist. Sif’s own hands tightened their grasp on either side of his face, so he thought she might have liked that. He was just contemplating migrating his hand either upward or downward when suddenly the room vibrated with rolling thunder.

They jumped apart, eyes flying open to pitch black darkness. Thor wondered how long it had been since the lights had gone out. He hopped off the sofa to look out the window and realized that it was pouring rain out. Lightning flashed ominously in the night sky and something brushed against his side. Jumping a little, he turned and was aided by another flash of lightning to see that Sif had come to stand beside him.

“It doesn't look like I’ll be able to leave anytime soon,” Sif said. The smirk that graced her lips was full of flirtatious intention. Her fingers brushed teasingly across his chest, but he stepped away.

“Thor?”

“I need to go check on Loki,” he said, already heading for the stairs. If he had been looking, he would have seen Sif standing stock still, gobsmacked.

“Thor, really?”

Thor threw a frown over his shoulder. “Yes, really. You know how he is about thunder storms.” And admittedly, Loki had stopped seeking Thor out for comfort since he’d turned eight, but Thor knew it was not because he had grown out of the fear, but because he had heard their father telling their mother that Loki was too old for such things. Thor had made it a point to go to Loki instead.

There was silence in the room after the last roll of thunder had faded, so Thor could hear the sigh Sif emitted. “I _do_ know,” she remarked as she followed him up the stairs.

They found Loki hidden under a mountain of blankets (“I was making a Fort!” he insisted) and Thor wrapped him in a warm embrace while Sif distracted him with tales of their mutual friends, Fandral, Volstag and Hogun’s most recent misadventures: Loki’s favourite type of bedtime story.

Thor and Sif never officially broke up, but within the next few days their relationship returned to that of a close friendship rather than a romance. Neither minded overmuch.

**/One.**


	2. Amora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Age guide:
> 
> Thor: 16 years old (10th grade)  
> Loki: 12 years old (7th grade)

**Two.**

“Thor!” A girlish voice trilled.

Thor paused in the midst of putting on his helmet, stomach tightening in nervous anticipation. He could never tell if it was a pleasant sensation or not.

Feminine fingers caressed his neck and he leaned away from the touch. “Amora, I have practice,” he said, voice firm as he pulled his helmet decisively over his head.

When he turned around his girlfriend was pouting at him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body against his, even as he stood stiffly. “It would only take a few minutes,” she whispered into his ear, voice low and seductive.

Thor felt his abdomen tighten in arousal: definitely a pleasant sensation this time. Still, he held his ground. Heimdall was a strict coach and though everyone and their grandmother knew that Thor would be made captain next year in his junior year of high school, Thor didn't want to do anything to jeopardize his position.

When Amora didn't relent, choosing instead to start pressing kisses into the exposed skin of his neck, he pushed her back gently. “You have practice as well,” he reminded her, indicating her cheerleading uniform. At this, Amora finally disentangled herself from his person. She, too, was tapped for captaincy next year and could not afford to be careless.

The captain of the football team and the head cheerleader, dating. Loki had snickered and called him a cliché. Other than that comment, however, he had shown little interest in Thor’s dating life. The same could not be said for the rest of his family and friends. Odin and Frigga disapproved of Amora, Frigga especially. Fandral, Volstag and Hogun, though they freely admitted to her attractiveness, also disliked Amora immensely. Thor suspected that Sif, too, was not in favour of his choice of girlfriend, but she was not as vocal as the rest. He wondered if it was because she thought he would attribute her feelings toward jealousy. If that were the case, she should know better. But then again, he should know better than dating Amora.

Certainly she was a viper. She terrorized most of the student body, solidifying her position at the top of the food chain. Her personality could be quite biting and sarcastic. Thor found himself inexplicably liking her. He hardly had any romantic feelings for her. Their relationship was purely based on lust – at least on his side. Though she lacked the brunette locks that he had grown a preference for, she made up for it with a body that was toned and well endowed. Her enthusiasm for physical pleasures was also a definite plus.

They had done most everything short of having what Thor considered ‘real sex’, though not for a lack of interest on Amora’s part. Although faced with an attractive and willing girlfriend, Thor found himself strangely reluctant to take that final step in their sexual relationship. Perhaps it was due to the romantic comedies his mother still forced him to watch with her. As fond as he found himself of Amora’s cutting wit and commandeering nature, he was not in the least bit in love with her.

“I do have to whip those freshmen into shape,” Amora agreed. “But afterwards, you are _mine_ for at least an hour,” she said. Then, with a salacious wink, she strutted onto the field before Thor could say that ‘No, actually, after practice I need to drive my little brother back home and I really don’t think I could leave him waiting on the bleachers so I can have a quickie.’ It hardly mattered in any case as Amora was well aware of this fact, considering it happened every day.

He shook his head and bounded off to join his team.

The first half of practice passed quickly for Thor, who enjoyed the rush of the game even when not competing against real opponents. As Heimdall blew his whistle, indicating a short break, Thor jogged over to the benches to grab a drink. The rest of his teammates lingered on the field to watch the cheerleaders – somehow their most inappropriate cheers always seemed to coincide with the football team’s breaks. Thor turned his attention to the bleachers, seeking out his little brother’s form in its usual spot on the very top row, far from everyone else. Loki’s middle school was just across the street from the high school and every day he would wait through Thor’s practice so that Thor could drive the both of them home. Often he would be curled around a book or a video game, but if Sif didn't have soccer practice then they would sit together and converse – most likely making fun of Thor, a thought that made Thor smile.

Today Sif had practice, so Thor was surprised to see that Loki was not alone on the bleachers. When he realized who exactly was with his brother, Thor was even more surprised.

Amora stood tall over Loki’s seated form, one hand flipping her blonde hair as the other rested on the curve of her hip. She said something that made Loki’s brows rise ever so slightly before his eyelids dipped over his bottle green eyes in a mocking fashion. Thor saw Loki shut his book as he replied to her, a smirk pulling at his red lips. It was a common expression on Loki’s face, his impish personality shining through his fey twelve year old appearance – pale white skin, soft dark hair, thin red lips, wide green eyes and a slight body. Thor was not the only one who found this endlessly endearing; it was one of the reasons Loki’s mischief was so often overlooked. Amora, however, did not seem charmed in the slightest. In fact, whatever Loki had said must have upset her because her lips pulled down into an enraged snarl.

At this point Thor was already running, but still the next few moments seemed to pass in slow motion as Amora drew her arm back and slapped Loki straight across his face.

Thor loved his brother, but he was not at all blind to his faults. Amora might often have been unnecessarily cruel without any provocation, but so too was Loki a prankster and an all-around little shit more often than not. It was equally likely that Loki had instigated the situation rather than Amora. Thor knew this very well.

He still saw red.

The next thing he knew he was standing at the top of the bleachers, body positioned protectively in front of Loki. Amora’s wrist was held in his crushing grasp, her face screwed up in a grimace of pain. She tried, uselessly, to pull away from him, but he tightened his grip, forcing a gasp of pain from her tightened lips.

“If you dare touch my brother again,” Thor said, voice dark and promising, “I will not be held accountable for my actions. Am I understood?” He waited until she had nodded her head before letting her go, uncaring of the red hand print around her wrist.

Needless to say, their relationship ended that day. Amora never forgave him for what he admitted might have been an overreaction. Thor never felt quite as guilty as he thought he should.

**/Two.**


	3. Lorelei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Age Guide:
> 
> Thor: 18 years old (12th grade)  
> Loki: 14 years old (9th grade)

**Three.**

“Remember, you asked for this. If anything happens to the house, you’re responsible,” Odin warned, voice gruff and serious.

Frigga shot her husband a disapproving look. “Make sure no one over indulges,” she told Thor, “And don’t hesitate to call for help if something goes wrong.”

Thor nodded, accepting a hug from his mother and a warm shoulder-grip from his father.

It was the night of his prom and the official celebration held at the most expensive hotel in town had just ended. Parents were heading home and his fellow graduates were running around changing out of their formal clothes into party-wear. Three top of the line buses were parked outside ready to transport the graduating class to the location of the after-party, or the ‘real’ party. The formal portion was for handing out awards, taking classy photographs, watching feel-good presentations of videos and photos to the sound of corny music and having the always cheesy ‘father-daughter’ and ‘mother-son’ dances. This was always held at the same hotel in a lavish room with a grand feast. The after-party was a rager held at one of the graduates' very large houses with plenty of alcohol bought by their parents and other illegal substances brought by the students themselves.

This year Thor was holding the after-party. His parents didn't mind – they encouraged it even – and it was expected of either him or Amora, as leaders of their grade. It really shouldn't have been so different than any other party he had held over the years, but it was.

Loki had finally entered high school and had just finished his freshman year. Normally, he would also be attending a large party celebrating the end of the school year for students that would be returning the next year. Typically there would be several such parties with the attendees separated by personal popularity, clique membership and grade level.

Except Thor had suggested Loki have his own party at their house. At the same place and at the same time that Thor’s was occurring.

Odin had thought it strange. Frigga had thought it sweet. His friends had thought him ridiculous. His fellow graduates hadn't known what to think at first. Before long the entire school population was united in their opinion: epic.

With Thor’s entire graduating class and Loki’s own considerable amount of friends, half the school would be attending. With the amount of uninvited crashers, most of the school would be attending. So Thor and Loki had thought ‘fuck it’ and invited everyone.

It would be over four hundred people. Close to five hundred with ‘plus-ones-and-twos-and-mores’.

It would be glorious.

Thor waved goodbye to his parents who would be spending the night at the hotel and then hurried to join his friends on the bus they had taken charge of.

A short trip later, he arrived to the familiar sight of his home in the midst of a wild party. Cars lined the street and the ground vibrated with the strength of the music blasting through the walls of the house. He led his class to the front door with steady, unhurried steps. Before he could even reach for the handle, the door flew open and he was met at the threshold by his brother, green eyes sparkling.

Someone had turned down the music and a hush seemed to fall over the entire house.

Loki reached out and grasped Thor’s hand and Thor easily adjusted to accommodate the comfortable hold.

“Behold,” Loki started, his smooth voice raised to be heard across the entire lobby and past it into the rest of the house, “the finest football captain Asgard has ever seen, SHIELD-bound recent graduate, my brother, the Mighty Thor!” As Loki raised their joined hands, loud cheering and applause rained over them. It seemed every person attending the party had stopped what they were doing to welcome the graduates, to welcome Thor.

Thor laughed and entered his house, followed closely by the rest of his class. He accepted hugs and congratulations from friends he had in lower grades, aware of his brother’s presence nearby, their hands still clasped.

After he had dealt with the first wave of well-wishers Thor allowed his brother to lead him into a comparatively quieter nook beneath their grand staircase. He knew a second wave of friends and friendly acquaintances awaited him in the living room and yet more by the pool in the backyard and scattered throughout the rest of the various rooms in their large house, but for now his brother wanted him and so he followed easily.

“How does it feel?” Loki asked. He had to lean up close for Thor to hear him over the din, his breath cool against Thor’s heated cheeks.

Thor laughed. “I don’t think it’s quite set in,” he said, “Give it a few days.”

Loki chuckled, voice deep and so unlike his high-pitched tone before puberty had hit. “At the speed your mind works, then, it’ll take weeks.” He leaned away then, dodging Thor’s good-natured swipe. Instead, Thor’s reaching hand settled around the back of Loki’s vulnerable neck as it was wont to do.

“I know I rarely say it, and it’s even rarer for me to show it, but I am proud of you brother,” Loki said, his words barely reaching Thor’s ears. His smile was sloppy but sweet, bottle green eyes shining with sincerity behind the glaze that covered them.

Thor grinned broadly. “You've been drinking,” he said, “Else you’d never admit such things to me.”

Loki laughed loudly at this, swaying slightly on his feet. He had still yet to have his growth spurt and so his face was level with Thor’s chest, making it easy to keep him standing with just the gentle hold Thor had on his neck.

“You wound me brother,” Loki said around his laughter, “You may doubt my sobriety at this moment, but never doubt that I love you.”

Though his brother still laughed, Thor felt his breath catch in his throat. He couldn't remember the last time Loki had said as much to him. To be fair, he couldn't remember the last time he had said those words to Loki. It seemed they had grown out of voicing the feeling, though Thor knew that the love itself would never wane.

“And I you,” Thor promised. He moved to pull Loki into a hug, but his brother was already slipping away, ever elusive and impossible to pin down.

“I leave you now to your adoring public,” Loki announced, eyes fixed somewhere past Thor’s shoulders. He winked at Thor and then disappeared into the mob of party-goers.

Not a moment later, two thin arms wound their way down Thor’s shoulders to rest on his chest. “So here you are; I've been looking everywhere for you.” The words were whispered into his ear and he turned to appraise the speaker.

“Lorelei,” he said, “Sorry, everything has been hectic.”

“Mmm, I know,” Lorelei murmured, “In the rush of things we didn't even manage to get on the same bus.”

Thor forced an apologetic smile. “I suppose I've been a poor date.”

Lorelei flicked an auburn lock behind her shoulder in an action reminiscent of her sister. “Nonsense,” she said, “You've been a _darling_. Now I must go see some friends, but find me later, okay? Then you can be a good date and a good host and give me a tour of your bedroom; I've never seen it.” There was a wicked glint in her green eyes and Thor felt just a little spellbound by them.

He nodded dumbly and she smiled before sweeping away.

Lorelei was a force of nature, just like her sister Amora. She had always flirted outrageously with him, even when he had been dating the latter. Afterwards Thor had stayed away, not wanting to cause a rift between them. Never mind that the sisters had been at each other’s throats as far back as he could remember and never mind that Amora now loathed him. In any case, keeping his metaphorical distance had been easy because though Lorelei spent a fair amount of time around Thor by virtue of being friends with Loki, she had never actively pursued him. At least, not until recently when she had asked him to be her prom date. With her green eyes fixed on his own blue, Thor had found it impossible to say no. Besides, it was no hardship. Though he’d had plans of going stag, having a date had its benefits. Other girls didn't dare stray too close to him because Lorelei, though sweeter and softer than her sister, was not someone to cross. And so he had only been expected to perform the dreaded slow dance with Lorelei, though he had allowed his mother and Sif to cajole him onto the dance floor as well. There was also the fact that she was very pretty, with cunning green eyes, long auburn hair and a fondness for green clothing that rivaled his brother's.

Staring at his date’s retreating back, Thor knew without a doubt that if she had her way the night would end with them lying together in his bed. And by Loki’s encouraging wink, his brother had known it too. Thor wasn't sure how he felt about _that_. His brother was fourteen now and definitely old enough to know such things, but Thor would always look upon him and see an innocence that he wanted to shelter from the world.

He shook his head and set forth to meet, as Loki had put it, his adoring public.

A good hour and quite a few drinks later Thor wandered into the kitchen for ice. Loki was there, leaning against the marble counter of the breakfast island chatting with two people Thor recognized as Svadilfari and Sigyn. Sigyn and Loki had always been close – everybody had assumed they would get together before she started dating Theoric and then, well, most still thought it was inevitable. Thor had liked her all the more for her new romance. Loki, he reasoned, needed a Sif-like figure of his own; the real Sif still retained a childhood fondness for Loki that prevented her from being as strict as she could be with Thor. Svadilfari, on the other hand, was someone Thor hated having around his little brother. There was honestly nothing concretely wrong with the guy except for the fact that he was two years older than Thor himself – he must have already started his summer break from college – and liked Loki far too much for Thor’s comfort. Their relationship had never been one of mentor and mentee or big brother and little brother. Lord knows Thor would have been bitterly jealous if the latter had been true, but he still felt he would prefer it to whatever relationship they _did_ have.

Thor paused in the doorway of the kitchen. A frown settled on his face as he watched Loki and the other two take shots together. Svadlifari swallowed his down easily, but Loki and Sigyn made disgusted faced and then leaned into each other and exaggerated their repulsed expressions before bursting out into riotous laughter. Svadlifari smiled affectionately at them and slung an arm around Loki. Thor watched that arm carefully and his blood boiled as it fell dangerously low on Loki’s back. He prepared to head over there and break up the scene, but someone else beat him to it.

“Hey, Little Prince! Come over here and let me make you a _real_ drink.” It was Fandral who had, up until then, been chatting up some girl Thor vaguely recognized as a junior. Even in casual party clothes his friend was better dressed than most males in attendance. And with his blond hair perfectly windswept without wind, Fandral was dashing as usual.

Loki raised a thin dark eyebrow, but gamely made his way over to Fandral, his steps only slightly clumsy. “I’m not little anymore,” Loki complained, referring to the childhood nickname.

Whenever Thor had invited his friends over when they were younger their favourite game to play was Castles, acting as brave knights on a quest. Since Sif had refused to be a princess, Thor had always had to beg Loki to join them and act as the prince they had to rescue. Although it was Thor who ultimately rescued Loki from whatever danger he had been in, Fandral would always play the role of gallant knight to the tee by presenting Loki with flowers that Fandral had picked from their garden – it had driven Frigga mad. Then they would all fight over who got to marry the prince, since that’s how the stories usually ended, and Sif would always win. When Thor thought about it, Loki had probably received more kisses – albeit on the cheek – from Sif than Thor ever had and Thor was the one who had dated her!

“You’re _less_ little,” Fandral conceded, with a flirtatious grin. Thor told himself that Fandral didn't mean anything by it; flirting was in the same vein as breathing to Fandral. And even if he _did_ mean anything by it, Thor knew that Fandral would never approach Loki lightly lest he risk Thor’s wrath. As he watched Fandral mix up some alcoholic concoction for Loki, Thor told himself that his younger brother was in safe hands. It didn't cool the heat in his blood, but he managed to make himself leave the kitchen.

He decided to seek out Lorelei and as luck would have it he entered the living room and immediately caught her eyes from across the room. The intent in their dark depths harnessed the heat already occupying his body and gave it purpose. Thor wanted to have sex. He was ready for it. And Lorelei, from what he’d heard, was good at it. The crowd seemed to part for him as he sauntered over to her, confident in his inebriated state. He wrapped an arm around her waist and leaned down to mutter, “Ready for that tour?”

Lorelei licked her lips lewdly and moved so that their lips brushed with every word she spoke. “I think I should be asking you that.” She then all but yanked Thor into hallway, forcing her way through the array of bodies. They were making their way towards the staircase when Loki cut in front of their path, a hand clasped across his mouth. They paused, watching him run. Lorelei turned to giggle into his arm. “Looks like _someone_ can’t hold their drink,” she teased. Thor’s worried brow was her only response. “Oh come on, Thor, Loki will be fine. It’s about time he experienced his first hangover. He likes to lord it over the rest of us that he always manages to stop drinking at the right time so that he wakes up fine and unaffected as ever. He’s only been drinking this year and is more cautious than anyone else his age, so it’s about time that he slipped up.”

None of Lorelei’s words seemed to have any effect on Thor. He kept looking to where he’d last seen Loki, though his brother had long since disappeared. “Maybe I should check on him,” he mused.

Lorelei huffed. “No. What you _should_ do is take me to your bed and fuck me senseless.”

At this, Thor’s head whirled around to face her, mouth agape. He swallowed visibly, eyes dark with lust as they lingered over Lorelei’s body. When he raked his eyes back up to meet her green gaze, he faltered. Thor took a deep breath and exhaled heavily. “I’ll be quick. Just see if he’s okay. It’ll take a second. I’ll catch up with you later,” he told her.

“Thor!-"

“ _Later_ ,” he stressed firmly.

He traced his brother’s course to one of the bathrooms, leaving behind an affronted date. Upon opening the door, Thor found Loki puking his guts out into the toilet and quickly knelt to hold back his brother’s hair and rub his back comfortingly. Once Loki had expelled all the contents of his stomach and then some, Thor brought him three slices of bread with honey and forced Loki to swallow them along with three glasses of water to wash each slice down. He then gathered his half-asleep brother into his arms and carried him upstairs to Loki’s bedroom where he settled the younger boy on his bed. After dressing Loki into comfortable pajamas and tucking him under the covers, Thor stared at the small figure that was curled into itself, dwarfed by the luxurious king-sized bed. He then sighed, kicked off his jeans and crawled under the covers as well.

Thor ended up spending his prom night curled around his drunken younger brother. It was the first time since his childhood that he’d slept so soundly.

**/Three.**


	4. Jane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Age Guide:
> 
> Thor: 19 years old (2nd year University)  
> Loki: 15 years old, turning 16 in December (11th grade)

**Four.**

“Don’t forget the application deadline is in three days,” Jane reminded Thor from her seat on his couch.

Thor ambled over to her, two mugs of coffee in hand. “I’m almost done!” he told her, passing her one of the mugs and brushing a brief kiss against her cheek. “I’m unsure about the essay section. I sent it to my brother and as soon as he sends it back and I fix whatever mistakes he notices I will hand it in.”

Jane frowned a bit at this as he took a seat next to her and kicked his bare feet onto his cheap coffee table. She didn't seem to like that he emailed Loki most of his written work for editing. She said that he shouldn't rely so much on his brother who had his own work to deal with and that the university had a perfectly good editing service he could use. Thor didn't really see the point of getting a stranger to do a job Loki had been doing for him since Thor entered high school. It wasn't like Loki did Thor’s work _for_ him; he simply proof read and made snarky comments about redundancy and suggestions to use a thesaurus. Loki had always been better with words whereas Thor’s strengths lied in other areas. They were opposites, so it was only natural that one should help the other where he faltered. They’d been doing it their whole lives. And Thor liked to think that he always repaid the favour.

“You listed your exchange preferences in the same order as I did, right?” she asked.

Thor recalled the list. “Ireland, France, Spain, Australia and Scotland,” he sounded off from memory. Jane smiled.

It had been Jane’s idea to complete a semester of schooling abroad. Or rather, it had been something that Jane had always planned to do and Thor had decided to join her rather than be separated from his girlfriend for so many months. Their relationship was hardly new, but after six months it was only just edging out of the honeymoon period and settling – school, Jane’s research for her professor, Thor’s sports and a summer apart being the reason it had taken so long. Jane was Thor’s first serious girlfriend and he didn't want to take a risk on long distance if he wasn't certain that they could handle it.

“You’re sure this is what you want, right? It’s not for everyone,” Jane asked, worry lining her brow.

Thor laid a steady, reassuring hand on her knee. “I am sure,” he told her. Thor understood her reservations. After all, Jane had been one of the first friends he’d made at university and so had been present for Thor’s serious bout of homesickness that had lasted for the better part of the first semester. It had been difficult for him to leave his friends and family behind. Thor had always been a sentimental guy and the love he held for those closest to his heart was no slight thing. Without question the worst had been his separation from Loki. They had grown up nearly glued to each other’s sides. Thor had defied all unwritten laws of siblinghood when, despite their age difference, Thor had never stopped wanting Loki around, always inviting him along with Thor’s own friends. Fandral and Volstag had always been very accepting of this quirk while Hogan could barely stand Loki, whose mischievous nature stood at odds with Hogun’s own grim outlook. Sif had shown a level of inclusivity that blew Thor away going as far to give up her seat beside Thor whenever Loki joined them. The sudden loss of Loki was like losing a limb. Thor had not dealt with this loss well.

Thus, it was no surprise that being oceans away from his family could be seen as something Thor wouldn't want to do. As it stood, however, Thor was far enough away from his hometown that he couldn't exactly drop by anyway. He only made it home for Christmas and Spring break – the long weekends for Thanksgiving and Easter not being long enough to justify the drive there and back – and he could easily fly home from whatever country he ended up in to not miss those opportunities with his family. It would be no different than these past three semesters he had spent at university. Biweekly phone calls with his parents and weekly Skype sessions with Loki (as well as random postings on each other’s Facebook Walls and long text conversations) could still be done from across the globe.

Jane started to rest her own hand on the one Thor had on her knee when suddenly a loud melody began playing from the kitchen.

_‘If my velocity starts to make you sweat_

_then just don’t let go._

_And if their heaven ain't got a vacancy_

_then we just_

_then we just_

_then we just_

_then we just get up and GO!’_

Thor smiled automatically at the ringtone, knowing it signaled a call from his brother. He pulled his hand out from under Jane’s and bounded into the kitchen to retrieve his cellphone from the jacket he had thrown carelessly over the back of a chair.

“Brother, what a surprise! It is rare for you to use your phone for its intended purpose rather than simply texting! How – What...Loki! Calm down, I can’t understand you…You – what?!...And Father? He said what?!...No! Of course I didn't know! Look, where are you right now?...Just a second – stay on the line with me.”

Thor tucked his phone between his shoulder and his ear to free up both hands so that he could slip his jacket on. He patted down his pockets until he found his keys and then headed towards the door, nearly running into a concerned Jane.

“Thor, what’s wrong? That didn't sound too good,” she said. Jane then noticed the keys in his hands and her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Where are you going?”

Thor took a break from murmuring soothing words into the phone and angled his mouth away from the speaker. “Something serious just happened with Loki. I’m driving over there. Could you please lock up for me?” he asked, sounding frazzled.

Jane balked. “Are you serious? It’s Tuesday! You have class for the rest of the week! You can’t just up and leave to go home! Finals are coming up!”

But Thor was back to speaking into his phone and simply shook his head and leveled a plaintive look at her.

Then he was out the door not even bothering to take more than the clothes on his back.

Thor drove straight through the night and then into the late afternoon the next day. He made as few stops as possible and, through the use of his Bluetooth device, stayed on the line with Loki the entire time even if only to hear his brother’s panting breaths, his soft sleeping sounds and his angry, heart-wrenching sobs. When he finally arrived at Sigyn’s house, Thor wasted no time in banging on her front door a little too frantically. Luckily it was Sigyn that answered, rather than her parents. Her gaze on him felt heavy and curious and he wondered what she was seeing at that moment. He knew he must look a mess, hair knotted and eyes bloodshot. Thor felt shaken to the core and wondered if it was visible to her. It felt like his place in this world, something he had never so much as questioned, was suddenly threatened. Giving her a grim nod as a greeting, he hurried past her into the basement.

Thor had been here only two times before, both occurring over the last summer when Loki was too high to contemplate finding his own way home. He knew that Loki and Sigyn had commandeered her basement as their safe place to experiment with whatever nefarious things popped into their mind. Thor had never worried too much as nine times out of ten it was Sigyn doing the experimenting while Loki had already had his first experience with Thor – watching Loki cough all over himself trying to smoke pot for the first time was one of Thor’s favourite memories of the summer. Armed with this knowledge, he was unsurprised to find himself walking into a haze of sickly-sweet-smelling smoke. Taking the steps two or three at a time, he hurried to Loki’s slumped figure on the worn couch, a lit up joint in one hand and a forty of Absolut in the other.

Thor carefully plucked the joint out of Loki’s thin fingers, putting it out and placing it on the floor. He then took the bottle of vodka and set it down beside the joint. Throughout all this Loki remained still, his usually lively eyes staring vacantly into the big screen TV in front of him that was playing an old episode of Futurama on mute. Thor felt his heart _ache_ inside of his chest.

“Loki,” he whispered, pulling the fifteen year old boy into his arms. Loki’s body pressed into his – dark haired head against Thor’s chest, sharp elbows and knees digging into Thor’s skin – felt startlingly unfamiliar. It was listless. Loki was many things – devious, intelligent, cunning, adventurous and thoughtful – but never was he so passive. In the many times Thor had held Loki, even half-asleep or with his nose buried in a thick book, intoxicated or high as a kite, there was always an undercurrent of chaotic energy running through Loki. Thor imagined it was similar to the feeling of a livewire. Loki’s mind – his beautiful, incredible mind – was always in constant motion and that movement seemed to radiate from his very being. Here, now, Thor could feel none of that usually energy – that spark – and it had him tightening his grip on his brother till it was sure to leave bruises on Loki’s pale skin.

Bending his head at an awkward angle, Thor buried his head into Loki’s black hair, inhaling the smell of pot and vodka and Axe and _Loki_ until he could be sure that it was, in fact, Loki that he held in his arms and not an empty doll. “Brother,” he formed the words into the skin of Loki’s ear and suddenly all of that missing energy seemed to rush back into Loki’s lithe form.

“I am _not_ your brother,” Loki snarled. To anyone else it would have sounded angry and spiteful, but to Thor it sounded absolutely heartbroken. “I should have been a street urchin. The abandoned son of a criminal. I belong in an orphanage, not this high class neighbourhood. I’m _nothing_. I’m an idiot. How could I have never noticed how I look nothing like mo–Frigga or Odin. How I look _nothing_ like _you_.”

Looking into Loki’s pale, withdrawn face, it occurred to Thor that Loki _didn't_ look anything like him. Where Thor was tan, Loki was pale. Where Thor was blond, Loki was brunet. Where Thor was blue-eyed, Loki was green-eyed. Where Thor was broad and muscled, Loki was thin and lean. Of course, this had always been true, but somehow Thor had managed to be completely unaware of it despite being so familiar with the shape and feel of Loki that he could order custom-fitted clothing for the other with ease.

It was as if he was looking at Loki with fresh eyes. Every dip and curve, every stray hair, every discolouration suddenly foreign. But no, that wasn’t true. The scar on Loki’s elbow was a war wound from their adventures in tree-climbing. Each lash that surrounded Loki’s green eyes had been counted and recounted by Thor numerous times, half out of boredom and half out of fascination, on the occasions when they would share a bed and Loki would fall asleep first. The worried wrinkles in Loki’s brow as he frowned at Thor in this very moment were those that Thor had seen develop into a child-Loki’s smooth, flawless skin from years of concentrating on texts or sulking over being scolded for a prank or worrying over Thor when Thor did something stupid. The smile lines that were currently hidden away were marks that Thor himself had etched into Loki’s skin with every terrible pun and cheesy joke he had bombarded Loki with to be gifted with the precious sight of Loki’s carefree grin.

And so when Loki declared to the room, eyes brimming with unshed tears, that he was “Loki, son of no one, belonging to no one with no place in this world” Thor cupped his hand around Loki’s cheek and brought their faces so close together they were in danger of going cross eyed. “You are Loki, son of Odin, son of Frigga and brother of Thor,” he told Loki.

Loki pulled back sharply against the firm hold Thor had on him. “I told you, I am _not_ your brother!” he screamed.

Thor tugged him back harshly, fingers gripping tight on inky black locks. “You are Loki,” he roared, “And if not my brother and not my blood, it matters not, because you have always been and will always be _mine_.” Thor’s words were loud and commanding and finally Loki seemed to calm. He leaned his weight into Thor, resting their foreheads together. “Your place in this world is beside me,” Thor whispered reverently. His blue eyes searched Loki’s, relieved to find some life behind all of the sadness and misery in Loki’s green gaze. Slowly and cautiously, never breaking eye contact, Thor placed a tender kiss on Loki’s thin lips.

Thor pulled back haltingly, mind reeling with his unexpected action even as his worried blue eyes stayed locked on Loki, waiting for a reaction. Loki’s own eyes fluttered rapidly before the boy fell forward onto Thor, head knocking painfully with Thor’s chin as he slipped into unconsciousness.

Sighing, Thor arranged them into a more comfortable position before succumbing to exhaustion himself. He would put off his anxiety until at least tomorrow. He had a feeling there would be a lot to feel anxious about.

And there was. With trying to convince Loki to go back home and running interference for his distressed parents and willing himself to forget that he had kissed his brother and being thankful that Loki had seemed to have forgotten about the kiss, Thor barely had any time to study, let alone call Jane. By the time he returned to school he was knee-deep in finals and then Christmas break came rushing in with stilted family dinners and unresolved resentment that was compounded with visits from distant cousins. When the winter semester finally began, Jane had already flown to Ireland to spend the semester studying there while Thor had never even finished his application. He received a letter from Jane telling him that she hoped Loki was alright and that she understood why he couldn’t get in touch with her while in the middle of family drama. The guilt he felt at never having returned her numerous calls left no room for surprise when, by the last paragraph of the letter, Jane had broken up with him.

**/Four.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used for Loki's ringtone is Planetary (GO!) by My Chemical Romance. Idk, those particular lyrics just made me think of him. Also I'm certain he would have been a fan.


	5. Jarnsaxa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The warning about rape/non-con applies to this chapter! Very briefly touched upon, but I just don't want it coming out of the left field and triggering any readers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Age Guide:
> 
> Thor: 21 years old (4th year University/2nd year Co-op)  
> Loki: 18 years old (1st year University/2nd semester)

**Five.**

The sun was shining brightly into his bedroom when Thor awoke. It was a nice change from the dim light of dawn that lit his way on weekday mornings. Thor checked the clock on his bedside table to find that it was already noon. The distant sound of familiar footsteps and the welcome smell of fresh coffee made him smile. Eyes half closed and hair tangled, he drifted into the kitchen, dressed only in boxers, and seated himself at the kitchen table. A mug was promptly placed in front of him and his faint smile transformed into a full out beam aimed at the lithe eighteen year old that was bustling around their kitchen.

“Good morning, Loki,” Thor greeted before gulping greedily from his mug.

Loki didn't turn from where he was putting away the newly washed and recently dried dishes. “It’s the afternoon, Thor,” he said, predictably.

“Waking at 6AM for work is a lot more draining than doing the same for morning classes, brother, considering you only have maybe two a day,” Thor rebutted as was expected of him in their recycled debate.

Closing the cupboard after having replaced the last plate, Loki turned to Thor and conceded defeat with a wan smile.

Thor’s brow tightened with concern. “Is everything alright?” he asked. He caught the expression of annoyance that flitted across Loki’s face only because he knew to look for it. “Loki, please.”

Loki sighed. “I’m fine, Thor. Today’s a good day. I’m having lunch with Tony.”

“Yes?” Thor was simultaneously happy and disappointed. He hated that despite the fact that he and Loki were living together again in their own apartment, they didn't spend nearly as much time together as they had while living at home. Of course, back then they weren't as busy with studies and work respectively. He was glad, though, that Loki had made a good friend in Tony. The Stark heir was a bit wild, but had a good heart and Thor approved of his persistence in befriending Thor’s younger brother and making sure that Loki didn't spend all his time in classrooms or his bedroom.

“Yes. Some shawarma place that he discovered. He’s terribly excited about it,” Loki said, the cool disdain in his tone contrasting the fond smile tugging at his lips.

“I received that mass text!” Thor exclaimed as he remembered blearily reading said text at four in the morning.

Rolling his eyes at Thor’s enthusiasm, Loki raised an expectant brow. “Will you be joining us then? Tony is bringing Bruce and I have invited Peter, which naturally means that Gwen will be attending as well. You could bring along your old roommate too. I enjoy seeing him put Tony in his place when he gets too out of hand.”

“Steven?” Thor clarified. Steve Rogers was one of Thor’s football teammates and had been his apartment mate up until the previous semester at which point he had moved in with his longtime girlfriend, conveniently leaving his room free for Loki who had just entered his freshman year at SHIELD U.

“Who else?” Loki exited the kitchen in the direction of the bedrooms. “I found one of his old jerseys hidden under the bed yesterday. This would be a good opportunity to return it.” His voice carried into the kitchen.

Thor finished off the rest of his coffee and swiped a hand across his mouth to clear any drops that were clinging to his beard. The facial hair was a new addition and he was still getting used to it. “I believe he had brunch plans with Peggy and her parents today,” he called to Loki.

His younger brother reentered the room, pulling his chin-length hair out from under the collar of a green shirt he had clearly just put on. “Hurry up and put some clothes on, Thor,” Loki said with a frown.

A knock interrupted Thor’s response, followed quickly by the sound of the front door opening.

“No shawarma for you, it seems.” There was only one person that both knocked and entered by herself, rather than waiting to be welcomed or simply barging in.

“Jarnsaxa,” the brothers chorused as the woman in question stepped through the doorway.

Jarnsaxa swept down to kiss Thor where he was sitting at the table before turning to address the younger Borson. “Loki,” she said with a polite smile that Loki returned coolly.

“Jarnsaxa, I don’t suppose you are in the mood for shawarma?” Loki asked. It was a generous offer and Thor could see what it cost Loki – his lips pressed tightly together in a grimace of a smile, spine tensed and fists clenching and unclenching.

Long, black hair swaying side to side as she shook her head, Jarnsaxa eyed Thor from the corner of her green eyes. “Thor and I have a date, actually,” she said.

Thor’s eyes widened in surprise and he quickly glanced at Loki in panic, looking for commiseration but finding only a barely suppressed smirk.

“Oh, yes, of course! He has something very special planned for you today,” Loki said seriously. He walked over to the coatrack, pulling on a black leather jacket and a gold scarf. “I will just get out of your way. Have a _lovely_ date!” he called before exiting the apartment.

“Loki!” Thor growled, quite uselessly seeing as his younger brother had already left. He turned pleading, wide blue eyes to his on and off girlfriend for the past year. “I really did not have anything planned. I've been working so hard at the firm and they’re finally allowing me to take a bigger role in one of the projects…”

Jarnsaxa sighed. “Don’t worry about it, Thor. I understand that you are doing your best to become an architect and your career is very important to you. This co-op is a great opportunity for you and I don’t want to get in the way of that. We can just relax here if that’s what you want.”

The easy way in which Jarnsaxa accommodated him reminded Thor of why he was dating her in the first place. After his first serious relationship had fallen apart, he had had a string of one night stands and hook-ups, experimenting with men for the first time as well. Jarnsaxa had been another such casual encounter. Along with being his ideal in terms of physical looks, her easygoing personality had lent itself well to the role of ‘friends with benefits’. Unfortunately, despite her insistence that she wasn't looking for more, she had still urged for exclusivity without saying so much in words. And Thor had gone along with it. He felt he owed it to her to at least try, especially since she didn't seem to want more than the official label – when it came to the time and effort they put into the relationship, it wasn't very different from their ‘friends with benefits’ stage. Still, with Thor being in his final year of his bachelor degree and in his second year of co-op, not to mention the family issues, his halfhearted relationship was hardly a priority. The two tended to go through many hot and cold periods. This latest hot period was cooling down fast.

Thor forced a smile. “Yes, that sounds fine. I’ll just go throw something on,” he said, gesturing vaguely to his bedroom.

“Or…you could _not_ ,” Jarnsaxa teased, brushing a confident hand across the strong chest muscles Thor had on display.

He caught her wandering hand in a restrictive grasp. “No. I – I am not in the mood right now, Jarn.” A look of hurt crossed Jarnsaxa’s face. She pulled her offending hand to her chest and smoothed away the troubled expression. “Of course.”

Thor escaped to his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. He quickly pulled on the first shirt and pants he found and then spent an excessive amount of time running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to tame it. When he returned to the kitchen he found Jarnsaxa standing by the fridge. She had a photograph in one hand and an old Asgard High magnet in the other. Thor cleared his throat, startling her.

“Do you want to watch some TV?” he asked.

When she looked up from the photograph, there was something shockingly sad in her eyes belying the smile that stretched her thin lips. “Actually,” she said, “I’m not feeling very well. I have a bit of a migraine.”

Thor frowned, all of his discomfort replaced by concern. “Is it very bad? Do you need a glass of water? I believe Loki has some Advil in his room.”

“No, no. I think I should just go home,” Jarnsaxa said as she placed the photograph back onto the fridge door. “I’ll have a nap. Maybe take a warm bath.” She kept her eyes on the photo, carefully straightening it until she was satisfied.

Eyeing the way her fingers curled around the edges of the photo, as if reluctant to let go, Thor’s lips set into a worried line. “If you’re certain…”

“Yes,” she said, finally releasing the photograph and turning to meet Thor’s eyes once more. “Thor,” she started, pausing briefly to straighten her posture. There was something newly determined in the set of her shoulders. “What we talked about before – well, what _I_ asked you, about moving in together… I know I said you could take as much time as you need to consider it, but…I would appreciate an answer soon.” She sucked in a deep breath. “Tomorrow,” she specified.

Thor stiffened. “Jarnsaxa – I can’t just…it’s a big decision. Plus, there is Loki to consider and-“

“I’m sure Loki has his own friends that would be happy to move in here with him,” Jarnsaxa cut in.

Thor’s jaw clicked shut. A few moments of silence passed and when Jarnsaxa realized that no words would be forthcoming, she nodded. “Tomorrow,” she said, decisively. And with that, she left.

Standing frozen in his kitchen for a moment that stretched, Thor finally moved to tiredly rub a hand across his face. He sighed heavily before pulling open a cupboard and grabbing a box of his favourite poptarts. Standing over the toaster as he waited for his ‘breakfast’ to cook, Thor scowled darkly. “She doesn’t understand,” he declared to the empty room.

And how could she? How could she possibly know what Loki, what their entire family had been through in the last two years? First there was the matter of Loki’s uncovered adoption. That alone had sent Loki into a bit of a downward spiral. Thor and his parents had had to watch idly as Loki started acting out – drinking heavily, taking a variety of drugs, receiving detentions and suspensions, staying out of the house for days at a time without so much as a text – as if to punish them for the lie of omission. The culmination of this rebellious period had seen Loki standing on the railing of the Bifrost Bridge ready to throw himself to his death and Thor too far away to do anything but attempt to, literally, talk his little brother off the edge. As Loki had teetered in his leather boots before finally taking his first step into thin air, Thor had honestly believed that he was about to watch the last moments of Loki’s life. To this day Thor could still feel the phantom clenching of his heart as panic had seized it. In a miracle of timing, Frigga and Odin had arrived just in time; as angry as he was, Loki loved their mother too much to end his life right before her eyes. Her raw scream had served as distraction enough for Thor to close the distance between him and Loki and yank his brother off the ledge and into his arms. The four of them, Loki, Thor, Frigga and even Odin, had spent at least an hour clutching each other and sobbing. It had caused quite the commotion and only the Borson name’s far-reaching influence had kept the incident off the news and banned from youtube.

After that, things had begun to look up. Their family had spent an idyllic summer repairing and strengthening their bonds. Loki and Odin had had a long overdue talk and were no longer at such disparate odds. Frigga had seemed to lose ten years’ worth of lines on her face. As for Thor, it had been a strange time for him. His relationship with Loki hadn’t changed in any discernible way except to become even more fiercely close, but Thor had felt a change in himself, a change in the way he felt. But even that wasn’t true. His feelings were not at all new, but the roiling confusion and heat that had always lingered under his skin when around Loki was suddenly overwhelming rather than buried deep. It made their every interaction – and there were so many that summer, they were, as ever, joined at the hip – crackle with tension, at least on Thor’s part. Yes, that summer had been perfect.

Naturally it had all fallen apart not long after Thor entered his first year of co-op and Loki had begun his senior year of high school. When Thor had gotten the call from a broken Odin, he had flown home immediately. Loki had refused to see anyone except their mother and so Thor had been left to pace tirelessly in the waiting room with a weary Odin. When Thor had finally laid eyes on his brother again, it was to see a changed boy. Loki was bitter and brittle and refusing to press charges. Thor had been furious and unafraid to voice his displeasure. Odin had finally had to put Thor in his place, voice measured and unnaturally calm, hiding his own anger. It was Loki’s choice, and though it incensed Thor, he had to respect it. In the end Thor had been forced to return to school and Loki had finished his final year through a private tutor.

The summer that followed had been the antithesis of the previous. A dark fog had hung around their house and everyone connected to it. Their parents had no idea how to treat Loki and so had tried a therapist to Loki’s ire. Thor hadn’t known how to treat Loki either, but unlike their parents he had resorted to acting as he always had. Though Loki had not done the same, it was clear through the fact that he tolerated Thor’s presence that Loki appreciated it. In fact, Thor was the only one Loki would allow close – and this was only due to Thor’s persistence. Loki had distanced himself from all of his friends and it was only the ever faithful Sigyn who had remained, though Loki still refused to see her and would only occasionally accept phone calls. In one harsh swing, all of Loki’s trust and naivety had been stolen away and it was obvious that he was no longer the same. Thor had spent the entire summer aching and angry and shattered and so very full of love as he had tried to piece together his brother out of the fragile, broken thing Loki had become.

Now, over a year later, with Loki in his second semester at SHIELD and Thor in his last, things were only just returning to some semblance of normality. Loki kept to himself for the most part and though through Tony he had made a few friends, he kept that circle tightly constricted. He no longer ventured out, exploring the area and having ridiculous misadventures. Now he would only leave the safety of their apartment if he was in the company of those he trusted. He did not drink nor get high anymore and he never went to parties. Loki had allowed their parents and Thor to convince him to enter SHIELD rather than Alfheim, which had been his dream university, and had even agreed to living with Thor, undoubtedly aware that the purpose of this was to keep an eye on him. This acquiescence had proven to Thor that Loki _wanted_ to be looked after.

Somewhere under his stubborn front, Loki wanted the warm security of Thor’s protection. Thor was happy to oblige.

But how could he explain this to Jarnsaxa? Thor found that he didn’t want to. Nobody here knew about what had happened; all parties involved had kept it under wraps so that the media had never gotten wind of it and it wasn’t Thor’s to tell. As for Loki, Thor doubted that he would ever feel inclined to share. Thor had no desire to open up to Jarnsaxa about his own intimate secrets, let alone his brother's.

With a start, Thor realized that his poptarts had been done for a long time and were now cooled. He toasted them once more to warm them up and ate them leaning against the counter, surveying his kitchen.

Frowning thoughtlessly at where Jarnsaxa had stood some moments ago, Thor subconsciously paced towards the same spot. With the fridge in front of him, he found his eyes drawn immediately towards the photograph that Jarnsaxa had been fascinated by.

The apartment was littered with photos – he and Steve had both been fond of the practice of hanging up mementos of loved ones. Even before Loki had moved in there had been plenty of pictures of Thor and his little brother taped to the walls of the apartment – along with those of their parents and both high school and university friends, of course. When Steve had left he had naturally taken his share of photos with him, so upon Loki’s arrival, Thor had suggested he fill in the empty spaces left behind. Loki, unsentimental as he was, had been resistant, but Thor had eventually worn him down. Loki had printed exactly four pictures each containing himself and another party: one with Frigga and Odin, one with Sigyn, one with Sif and one with Thor.

The photograph Thor was looking at now was the one of himself and Loki. It was from the summer before Thor’s first year at SHIELD. Hogun had been gifted a new, very expensive camera and his passion for photography had bled into his social life – there must have been hundreds of photos of their friends from that summer alone. This particular one was a candid shot. In the aftermath of a water fight, Thor and Loki were both drenched and laughing; Loki inexplicably in a long-sleeved shirt, hand brushing his soaked hair away from his face and Thor shirtless with one hand on his brother’s back. There was lush grass and bright sunshine visible in the background, but what stood out above all to Thor was his own gaze, locked onto Loki. There was something intimate in it. Something that made Thor want to hide it away from prying eyes that threatened to steal into the private moment. It’s one of his favourite photos of the two of them, but Thor had asked Loki if he was sure he didn't want to pick another one. Loki had insisted.

Now it hung, proudly displayed, on the fridge and it often caught the attention of visitors, none more than Jarnsaxa.

Pulling the photo off the fridge, Thor studied it closely. He tenderly traced his thumb across his brother’s face. Then he headed to the living room, photo in hand. Jarnsaxa wanted an answer soon. He had much to think about.

* * *

 

“Thor!”

The forceful exclamation was accompanied by a heavy weight falling onto Thor’s shins, startling the blond awake. Thor sat up as best he could, blinking dazedly at his younger brother. It seemed he had fallen asleep sprawled across the couch sometime during his ruminating – he wasn't sure how much time had passed.

“How was the shawarma?” Thor asked. He absentmindedly shifted his legs, upon which Loki was perched.

Loki’s thin shoulders jumped in a shrug. “Decent enough, though certainly not deserving of the ridiculous compliments Tony was spouting.”

There was something not quite casual about Loki’s voice that made Thor snap to attention. He studied his brother, wondering how to bring up this subtle change in demeanor.

“What’s this?” Loki asked, clearly rhetorically as he was already snatching up the photograph from where it lay half-buried under Thor’s golden hair. Holding the small square in his eyesight with thin fingers, a smile stole across Loki’s face, quick and bright and gone in under a second. His green eyes glinted as they locked with Thor’s. “Reminiscing?”

Thor felt his face warm under that gaze. “Just noticing how little you've grown in four years,” he blustered.

Loki leveled an unimpressed look at him. “I've gained at least a foot in height,” he said.

“Yes, but none in width. You are scrawny as ever, brother,” Thor remarked fondly.

“It must be genetic,” Loki said darkly.

Immediately there was a change in atmosphere and Thor’s smile retreated in response. “Loki, please…did something happen?”

Loki’s lips pressed together in a thin, pale line. “Why don’t you tell me?”

Thor frowned in confusion for a few seconds before abruptly recalling Jarnsaxa and her ultimatum. He wondered how Loki always seemed to know when something was on his mind. It was uncanny.

Fingering the worn leather of the couch, Thor averted his eyes from Loki’s searching green gaze. “Ah, well…Jarnsaxa wanted to…well, she asked me to move in with her,” Thor explained quickly. There was an unsettlingly silent pause before Thor rushed to continue, “I’ll say no, of course.”

More silence passed and Thor felt compelled to face his brother. He turned to find Loki’s eyes staring him down, his intense scrutiny causing Thor’s heart to pick up its pace.

Eyes still locked unblinking with Thor’s, Loki wet his lips. “You’ll say no,” he repeated.

Thor nodded dumbly, trying his hardest not to glance at his younger brother’s lips.

“Maybe you shouldn't…” Loki murmured.

Thor sat up at that. The swift movement clearly caught Loki off guard, dislodging the younger boy from his stable position on Thor’s knees and knocking him forward until he caught himself with his outstretched arms on Thor’s solid shoulders. Suddenly finding Loki’s face so close as to feel his shaking breath on Thor’s own lips, Thor froze. Loki himself wore an expression of surprise before it was swiftly replaced with something more neutral.

“I met someone today,” Loki volunteered apropos of nothing.

“What?”

“His name was Victor. He was very strange. I quite liked him. He asked me out for dinner,” Loki continued, keeping his voice level even as his wickedly green eyes bore fiercely into Thor’s blue.

Thor could only stare up at Loki, confounded.

“I told him I would take his offer into consideration. We exchanged numbers. I think I will say yes.” Each word escaped Loki’s thin lips slowly, as if timed to inflict the maximum amount of pain on Thor’s psyche.

Finally Thor found his voice. “But Loki, brother, I thought after what happened-”

Loki smirked humourlessly. “I doubt he will follow Svadilfari’s date etiquette – although that wasn't exactly a date was it? You know the statistics as well as I do, I’m sure: most acts of rape are committed by someone close to the victim. I hardly know Victor. In any case, he is a prince – truly he is, of some quaint country called Latveria – and so I am certain that doing something as scandalous as sexual assault would be terrible for his public image. As callous as that sounds, it is more reassurance than I have from any other potential partner, especially considering I cannot trust even my most intimate friends.”

“Brother, no!” Thor’s hand shot forward, seemingly of its own accord, wrapping around Loki’s neck with enough force to cause the younger to sway forward and brush their the tips of their noses together.

Loki ignored Thor’s dismayed cry. “So you see,” he continued, “Your poor, damaged little not-brother is finally becoming less of a burden. I am perfectly able to survive without you. Please, I _implore_ you to move in with your girlfriend. I have no need of you.”

The declaration hung between them for a charged moment until Thor shook his head helplessly and pulled Loki into bodily embrace. Loki stilled in the awkward position, knees digging into the couch on either side of Thor and his arms still braced on Thor’s broad shoulders. Then he melted. His fingers curled into the soft fabric of Thor’s shirt and he buried his head into the crook of Thor’s neck.

And Thor held Loki firmly, even as he felt hot tears seep into his t-shirt. As the many pictures in the apartment showcased, the two brothers had grown together, played together and fought together. Despite finding out that they had never really been related, despite the tumultuous period Loki had recently been through that had changed him so much, despite this sudden denouncement of Thor’s presence in Loki’s life, above all these insignificant things, Thor knew his brother.

Thor knew Loki.

And sometimes Loki _lied_.

When Thor told Jarnsaxa his decision, she simply smiled sadly and told him that it was time they stopped pretending. “Both of us,” she had clarified, voice deep with intent.

**/Five.**


	6. Loki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Age Guide:
> 
> Thor: 23 years old  
> Loki: 19 years old

**And One.**

“Sorry, Mr. Fury, I appreciate the offer, however I-“

“He is urgently needed by the groom and even if he wasn't, he wouldn't work for you even if the only other option would be living on the street, catching tuberculosis and dying a horrible, horrible celibate death,” Tony cut in, placing himself in between Nick Fury and Thor, a comical sight considering his small stature in comparison to the two much larger men. Uncaring of the laughable juxtaposition, Tony steered Thor away from the perpetually angry man, grabbing two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter.

Thor turned a curious gaze to Tony. “Steven has need of me?”

“What? Oh, nah. He’s fine. But Thor, buddy, you gotta learn to say no every once in a while,” Tony scolded, handing Thor one of the full flutes before downing the other in one go.

“I was not expecting to encounter business conversation at such an occasion,” Thor said sounding cowed. He, too, easily finished off the champagne in a single gulp.

Tony shook his head. “When it comes to Fury you always have to have your guard up. And don’t even get me started on Coulson. Anyway, I was just passing by when I magnanimously rescued you from that one-eyed shark. I’m looking for your brother. He’s not a very good date, even if it is platonic. I mean he didn't even want to match ties; there’s nothing wrong with the colour red!”

Thor perked up at the mention of his brother, but before he could respond Tony was already flitting off having caught a glimpse of Pepper across the crowd.

Shrugging, Thor allowed a waitress to collect his empty glass. He paused in the center of the chaotic mass, basking in the cheerful energy. Thor had always loved crowds, especially happy ones. He’d made quite a name for himself at all of the bars surrounding SHIELD University and even now, two years after he had graduated, he was still recognized when he would drag Loki out for a night on the town.

His peaceful moment was stopped short by a sharp tug on his elbow. Thor spun around and gaped in surprise. “Sif!” he cheered, collecting the woman up into a friendly hug.

“Thor!” Sif laughed, hugging back just as fiercely. The action brought a fond smile to Thor’s face as he recalled that there had never been anything delicate about Sif.

“What are you doing here?” Thor asked as he let go of Sif still smiling widely.

“Peggy and I were on our university’s varsity soccer team together,” Sif explained, “You must be a friend of the groom’s.”

“Yes,” Thor said, answering the questioning lilt to her statement, “Steven and I were roommates for two years during our time at SHIELD.”

Sif grinned. “Your friendship is not at all surprising. Steven shares many qualities with you beyond the similar looks.”

“We would often get mistaken for brothers,” Thor agreed, chuckling.

“Speaking of, your true brother wouldn't happen to be here, would he?” Sif asked, eyes searching the crowd as if expecting the younger Borson to pop out at any second.

“He is, though I am unsure of his exact whereabouts.”

Sif raised a sharp brow. “That is unexpected. When we were growing up you were hard pressed to let him out of your sight.”

“I fear he grows weary of my constant presence,” Thor confided, ducking his head. “However, though I doubt his date will keep him out of trouble, at the very least he shall not be alone when he finds himself in it.”

“His date?” Sif looked startled. “You do not sound upset by this,” she noted suspiciously.

“Why would I begrudge Loki spending time with his friends? I worry that he does not do so often enough.”

“Friend? So not a romantic date then? No wonder.”

Thor frowned. “Should I feel differently if it were?”

“Thor, you have never tolerated Loki’s romantic pursuits well,” Sif said, smiling sardonically.

“That is not-"

“You remember Leah when Loki was twelve?”

“She was unkind to him.”

“What about Daimon the year after?”

“He was too old!” Thor exclaimed.

“One year is hardly too old,” Sif said, rolling her eyes.

“It is when there are so few years to their lives in the first place,” Thor insisted.

Sif huffed out an amused laugh. “Fine. Then what about Sigyn? Surely you cannot find a fault in that girl.”

“I have always been fond of Sigyn!”

“Not at first, when they went on that one date together. I remember having to talk you out of following them! It was only after Loki came home proclaiming that they would be remaining friends that you began to like her,” Sif said.

Thor folded his arms across his chest, acknowledging the truth in Sif’s words. “What is the purpose of this line of questioning, Sif?” he asked warily.

“You have not dated anyone since Jarnsaxa two years ago, correct?” Sif asked a question of her own rather than answering Thor’s. At Thor’s nod she continued, “And you did not bring a date to your friend’s wedding, not even a friendly one like Loki did?”

Again Thor nodded.

“So you are not interested in anyone,” Sif surmised, though Thor could tell from the flat tone of her voice that she did not believe this to be true.

Perhaps that is why he hesitated to answer.

“So you _are_ interested in someone,” Sif said, seeing his reluctance to answer.

Thor sighed exasperatedly even as the image of someone unspoken arose in his mind’s eye. “Sif, please, you know I do not enjoy these word games. Simply tell me what you are thinking straightforwardly.”

Sif hummed in response. “I suppose I am wondering whether you are ever going to tell Loki that you are in love with him.”

The world around Thor seemed to still, the lively voices of the crowd in the reception becoming muted even as the damning words of Sif seemed to ring loud and clear, resonating in his ears. He trembled and felt glad that he was no longer holding a champagne flute because surely he would have dropped it.

“Sif!” he gasped loudly with the voice of a dying man. The woman in question looked shocked by his dramatic change in demeanour, guiding him gently out of the hall of the reception. Once they were past the heavy double doors of the entrance they found themselves mostly alone except for one or two people clearly on their way to or from the bathrooms.

Thor was still shaking when Sif pushed him carefully into a stone bench. “Thor,” she said softly, patting his cheek roughly enough to knock him out of his trance.

He blinked, blue eyes slowly focusing on her worried gaze. “Forgive me Sif, I must have misheard you. I thought you said something impossible.”

Sif grimaced. “It is I who should apologize, Thor. It seems I was too cavalier. Have you ever even admitted it to yourself?”

Breathing in deeply, Thor held her gaze for a long moment before falling forward to rest his head against her supportive shoulder. “Not aloud, no,” he admitted heavily into the soft fabric of her dress. “I thought I was alone in this. I did not realize there was another who was privy to my perversity. And had I known, I would have expected a condemnation rather than this.”

“Oh Thor,” Sif sighed sadly, placing a comforting hand on Thor’s blond head. “This self-loathing suits you ill. I admit I was surprised, but time softens even the most shocking of revelations. And from the beginning it was only ever shock I felt, never disgust. It became clear to me very quickly that there had only ever been one person who held your heart and there would only ever be that one person. As I grew and saw how little love there truly was in this world, I appreciated you and yours more and more. Now I challenge anyone to stand by your side as I have – who has watched you grow and has known your heart – to call your love perverse.” Sif felt Thor quake in her hold and then became aware of a tell-tale wetness on her shoulder.

“Sif you are, as ever, a true friend; more than I deserve, I fear. Your words are almost too kind for me to bear. Even in my darkest dreams I never imagined acceptance like this,” Thor confessed, voice trembling with disbelief.

Squeezing Thor firmly just once, Sif pushed her friend away. “You have earned my friendship and loyalty a thousand times over, Thor.” Then she ushered him up into a standing position, thumping him solidly on the arm. “Come now,” she said, “I have never known you to be a man to mope and wallow in despair. The Thor I know is a man of action, always willing to pursue that which he desires. If it is fear that holds you back in this instance, know that I will have your back as always. This is something bigger and more important than any potential disapproval you may face.”

Thor forced a smile. “The only fear that is holding me back is that I could lose the one dearest to me, that I would repulse him with these feelings of mine.”

Sif placed her hands on her hips and shook her head fondly. “Thor,” she announced regally, “You are a fool.” Then she turned around and started walking back in the direction they came from. “Tell him,” she called back simply, without so much as a backward glance.

Thor watched her disappear behind the large oak doors of the reception hall and then kept staring even as they swung closed. He thought about returning to join the party as well, but did so reluctantly. In the end he decided that getting some more air would be beneficial to his bewildered mind. Instead he exited building and made his way around to the back, thinking on what had just passed. He had not seen this encouragement from Sif coming and it threw him for a loop.

He had been prepared to keep his own counsel and silence his heart. Had been prepared to watch Loki fall in love and to celebrate it all the while suffering silently. Prepared to live his life as less than a whole whether he took comfort in a willing body or not. And now…

Now he was unsure if this was the only path for him. Perhaps he had been too pessimistic. Sif’s words had lit up something within him, something he had never thought to entertain when it came to his feelings for Loki:

Hope.

Circling around the building, Thor found himself in a charming garden. The flowers were in full bloom and he could hear the sprinkling of water. He followed the sound, wondering why there were not more people exploring this beautiful place before remembering that the alcohol and food were contained indoors. Nevertheless he passed one couple hidden behind a thin veil of a willow tree’s branches in his quest for the origin of the sound of water and it was possible there were others sequestered away in private spots.

He came upon a cobbled walkway and followed its winding trail to a large fountain. He stopped short, however, because there was someone already there standing before the magnificent fountain.

Standing there, tall and straight-backed in a well-fitted black suit, dark hair swept back tidily was Thor’s younger brother.

“Loki,” Thor breathed and despite the considerable distance between them the nineteen year old spun around slowly as if he had heard the hushed call of his name.

Once recognition had lit up his bottle green eyes, Loki smiled serenely and Thor’s breath caught in his throat. There was something so soft about Loki in that moment. The subtle curve of his thin lips, the slight crinkles around his smiling eyes, the gentle curl of his black locks at the nape of his neck. The tailored suit that emphasized his lithe form and the green detailing that brought out the intense colour of his eyes. The spraying water behind him that glinted in the light so that the very air around Loki seemed to shimmer and the orange hue that the setting sun cast upon the entire scene making it appear almost dreamlike.

In that moment Thor felt as if he was discovering Loki’s beauty all over again. He felt the love well up inside of him and was struck by the strength of the emotion.

In that moment Thor honestly feared that he would burst from an overly full heart if he didn't express his feelings right then.

“Loki,” he said again, louder this time. Thor approached his younger brother with deliberate steps.

Loki said nothing in reply, opting to watch Thor with an openly curious look in his eyes.

When the toes of his shoes touched the toes of Loki’s shoes, Thor halted. He hesitatingly brought his left hand up to splay across the smooth curve of Loki’s neck.

“Loki,” Thor started, “I have something I must confess. Though I have always prided myself on sharing everything in our lives, there is a truth in my heart that I have kept hidden from your eyes for as long as I can remember.”

A startled, somewhat hurt expression cross Loki’s face before it shuttered close. He stayed peculiarly still in Thor’s hold, head canted up just so to make up for the one inch difference in height.

Thor’s thumb started absentmindedly caressing the sharp line of Loki’s jaw. “I tried to seek out a substitute, unknowingly at first, but then with increasing desperation – it never worked and in all honesty I never believed it would. How can you possibly transfer feelings that have been around seemingly since your birth? Feelings that have grown with you and become inexorably interwoven into the very fabric of your being?” Thor paused the movement of his thumb, resting it over the warm pulse of Loki’s thrumming heartbeat. “I am in love with you Loki,” Thor whispered fervently, “I am in love with you and that love is ingrained into my skin, my hair, the very blood that runs through my veins. It is engraved upon my bones and lungs, upon my heart, my soul. I am in love with you and I do not know how not to be. I have never known a day that I haven’t loved you with everything that I am and I never want to know the day that I don’t. I realize now that day will never come and I cannot keep this secret from you forever, brother. I would not want to. I would share my life with you, my life and everything in it – forever.” Exposed and laid bare before his brother, Thor leaned forward and placed a careful kiss on the corner of Loki’s mouth, watching for any sign of displeasure.

When Thor pulled back Loki’s face was still remarkably blank. Dread coiling in his stomach, Thor released Loki’s neck and stepped back. “Know this, brother, if you hate me now that you know of my impure feelings, I will leave and never force you to look upon me again. You need only to say the words and-"

Suddenly Thor found himself being propelled forward, Loki’s long fingers caught in the lapels of his suit jacket. Dark green eyes, inches from his own, bore into him as Loki huffed. “You have always been _so slow_ Thor. I should have known you would make me wait _years_. ”

And before those words could even register in Thor’s mind, soft lips met his own in an unyielding kiss. Thor gave a full-body shudder before the tension all but melted out of his frame, body becoming languid. He secured Loki to himself with one arm while using the other to guide Loki’s head to a better angle. Their mouths slid together, devouring each other with a lifetime’s worth of longing and burning desire.

Loki started to pull away, perhaps to breathe, and Thor whined low in his chest. He chased his brother’s lips, body crowding closer and then the world tilted.

“Oh!” Loki cried out in surprise as they fell as one.

They landed in the water with a loud splash, bodies hitting the bottom of the fountain hard enough to bruise. Thor grunted, annoyed, as he caught himself on his hands and knees.

Loki was not so lucky and found himself completely submerged. He broke through the water’s surface with a loud gasp. Sitting up swiftly, he smacked his head into Thor’s causing them both to wince in pain. As they each rubbed their foreheads their gazes caught and smiles began to tug at their lips.

Then they were laughing.

“Thor, you oaf!” Loki exclaimed though his laughter. He shoved ineffectively at Thor’s chest. “You cannot even manage a romantic declaration without screwing something up.”

Thor smiled and pushed back Loki’s sopping locks from his equally wet face. He bent down to steal a quick, slippery kiss. “On the contrary,” he said, heart full and face beaming, “I think it went perfectly.”

Loki grinned up with him then, the expression as genuine and unguarded as Thor remembered from their shared childhood. “Truly? Pray tell, brother?” he asked.

Thor didn't bother to answer.

At least, not in words.

**/And In The End, It Was No Choice At All.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheesy ending is cheesy.
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated!


End file.
